


Hibernation Station

by Cherry_Sofa_729



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Animal Sides, Animal Traits, Chaos, Crack, Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders is a Little Shit, Eating, Funny, Gen, Grumpy Bear - Freeform, Humor, Logic | Logan Sanders is a bear, hibernation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-08
Updated: 2020-12-08
Packaged: 2021-03-10 00:14:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,618
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27961364
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cherry_Sofa_729/pseuds/Cherry_Sofa_729
Summary: (This is stupid but hopefully funny)Logan is a bear, and that means he has to hibernate. And that means no one should wake him up. Remus… didn’t get them memoTrigger warning for binge eating! He’s supposed to tho, cuz bear biology.
Comments: 3
Kudos: 34





	Hibernation Station

Around the same time every year, about mid January to early February, Logan would start to go into hibernation.

Now, see, ever since Thomas found out about Logan’s unabashed love for Crofters, he had been associated with an adorable black bear. He got cute round ears, a small little tail, and even a stripe of fur right down his spine.

Adorable. 

And there were several behavioural changes too. He was much more grumpy in the mornings, for one, and of course, hibernation. 

He repeated over and over again that it was too warm to merit such a thing, but the omnipotent god of the mindscape didn’t care. Nope, every year around the same time, his appetite would surge right before he fell asleep for a week at least. 

Patton hummed to himself around the kitchen, noticing that Logan had yet to wake up. The logical side was waking up later and later every day, and took longer and longer to get productive. Not to mention...

He set out a few pieces of toast with Crofters, popping a couple more slices into the toaster, knowing that Logan would eat that and then some. 

Heavy footsteps shambled downstairs, as Logan turned around the banister. His hair stuck up in a million directions as he rubbed his eyes under his glasses, yawning wide. 

“Gmorning sleepyhead!” Patton chirped. 

Logan didn’t seem to even notice him, pushing him out of the way to reach the cupboards. He put a knee on the counter, blindly trying to find the cabinet he was looking for. His nose twitched as he fumbled with the handle, using it to pull himself up onto the countertop.

“No, Lo, what are you doing?” Patton said. It was honestly adorable, but he shouldn’t be climbing on the counter. That was Virgil’s spot. “I already have food set out for you, silly.”

Logan only twitched his nose harder. Yanking open the cupboard, he managed to find his sweet smelling prize. He had smelled this all the way up in his room, and his stomach ached for it. 

Logan’s very sleepy bear brain held the jar of Crofters aloft like a great trophy. He fumbled with the lid for a bit, before popping it off and smushing his face into it. 

Oh, to be reunited with that sweet, fruity elixir. He wiggled his tongue around, scooping great amounts of delicious jam right into his mouth. The preparation phase was almost over, but he still needed 4000- no, 6000 calories at least before he could even think to settle down for the winter. 

He sucked, not caring that he looked ridiculous, or that he was supposed to calm, cool, collected Logic, all he cared about was eating as much jam as possible. 

He wasn’t even aware of laughing, of cameras clicking, or of how much time was passing. All he knew was to take a jar out, eat until he could lick the insides clean, and then chuck the empty one into the sink and grab another. 

Until- his hand found nothing. He reached for another jar of sweet delicious nectar and found nothing. 

His stomach rumbled and he looked sadly at it, as though apologizing. He wanted more jam!

Hold on… his brilliant nose picked up something else. 

Something rich and salty- and full of protein! He reached up a shelf higher and found a jar of peanut butter.

He unscrewed the lid, licking his lips. If only he had some jam to go with it. He licked the top, before diving in. 

He vaguely heard snickers and laughing around him, but he didn’t care as he dove into the peanut butter with enthusiasm. 

————

“Is he okay?”

“He’s eaten like 12 jars of jam and he’s still hungry?”

Virgil and Roman stared at Logan, face covered in jam and peanut butter, scooping it out with his hands and shoving it into his face. 

“Well, we can’t exactly take the food away now.” Patton chuckled. You couldn’t exactly pull food away from a wild bear. “Let’s just go get his cave set up, he’ll probably appreciate it!”

The four of them headed off to make Logan’s cave (a spare room they kept for this reason only) perfectly comfortable for his hibernation. 

————

Meanwhile, Logan destroyed the kitchen. Sweet, fruity things like berries went first, then sturdier, more caloric things like meat. And with his clumsy climbing around, several things had fallen out of the cabinets and broken on the floor. A few cups, a plate, a jar of pasta sauce… the kitchen was a mess. 

By the time he was ready for hibernation, his stomach had rounded out into a sizeable belly, pushing the edge of his pyjama shirt up the smallest bit. He felt heavy, sleepy, like his limbs were full of lead and he could just sleep for a thousand years…

He yawned, rubbing his very full stomach. Though somewhere in his logical brain told him that there was a place he needed to be, bear brain wanted to flop on the couch and sleep right then and there. 

So that’s what he did. 

He knew he wouldn’t wake up for at least a week, and god, wasn’t that nice? No work, no responsibilities, just sleeping off a huge meal. Letting the other sides carry on without him… no think… just sleep…

And with that, Logan was in hibernation mode. Dead asleep. 

————

The others came back in, followed by Remus who decided to join them. They were laughing and chatting and comparing hilarious pictures of Logan. 

Until Virgil stopped dead in his tracks and threw out his hand. “Shhh!” 

Everyone fell silent and peered around Virgil to see the kitchen in shambles, and Logan, asleep on the couch. 

Now here’s the thing, would you want to accidentally wake a hibernating bear? No, no you wouldn’t. 

This was a dangerous situation. 

“He can’t stay on the couch for a week!” Roman hissed quietly. “What about Disney?! We have to move him!”

“I know our resident mathematician’s asleep right now, but do you hypothesize that any of us could lift him? He ate everything in the kitchen.” Janus scoffed, just as quietly. 

As the other’s debated in whispers, Remus crept forward. 

He ducked under Virgil’s arm and started to make his way across the kitchen. 

Virgil saw the Duke take two steps forward and internally freaked out. “Remus!”

Remus looked back at him with a toothy grin. 

“Get back here!” Virgil hissed. “Now!”

Remus cackled quietly and shook his head. Cmon! Logic, his greatest foe, was right there, and he was asleep! He just had to wake him up!

“Remus, I swear to god he will bite your head off.” Roman snarled, lunging out to grab him but paused at the crunch of a broken dish under his boot. 

Remus continued forward. 

“Idiot!” Janus snapped, once Remus was halfway to Logan. “You’re going to die! Get back here this instant!”

He didn’t care about death, no, not when his foe was so vulnerable to an unpleasant wake up call!

He crept along further, ignoring the hushed attempts to stop him. 

“Remus, do not poke the sleeping bear.”

“I’m gonna poke the sleeping bear.”

He was leaning over the end of the couch now, right near Logan’s feet. Everyone else was backing up slowly, as though Remus was attempting to set off a nuclear bomb. 

He leaned over Logan, a nasty grin on his face, everyone watching with bated breath. 

He let a strand of drool run out of his mouth and land- splat- on Logan’s forehead. 

Everyone’s eyes widened. Remus was literally insane, did he seriously not think about the consequences! Remus turned to them, grinning proudly. 

A low, rumbling growl rang through the room, striking fear into the group’s hearts. Remus looked back down at Logan, a little shocked. 

The resident grumpy bear yawned, showing his impressive canines that could snap your neck in one bite, and wiped his forehead as he attempted to sit up. 

He appeared in a very sleepy trance as he planted two strong feet on the ground and forced himself to stand, wobbling uneasily. 

Now would be a good time to mention that by nature of being a bear, Logan was about half a foot taller than Remus, and a hell of a lot stronger. 

He loomed over the Duke, and Remus suddenly knew that he had made a grave mistake. 

It wasn’t just the strong muscles or razor sharp teeth, no, it was the murderous look on Logan’s face. A look that sent ice into anyone’s heart. 

Yeah. He wasn’t a morning person. 

So, with great ease and a fuck ton of pissed off, he grabbed Remus by his stupid frilly collar and hoisted him high into the air.

Remus kicked and struggled but to no avail. He was brought in front of Logan’s face and snarling mouth, and fear ran through his veins. He woke the sleeping bear, and the gravity of that was only just setting in. 

Logan huffed like he wanted to blow the three little pigs’ house down, face red with pure, unbridled  rage.

Remus gulped. “I’m sorry-“

Logan  roared.  Like the roar of a real bear, it forced everyone to cover their ears, blowing Remus’ hair back like the wind. A feral, animalistic sound. 

After he finished, Remus’ face was covered in spit, and the view he got of Logan’s teeth would keep him behaved under the logical side for at least a month. 

He threw Remus across the room like a rag doll, snarling and grunting as he went upstairs to spend the rest of his hibernation in his cave. And of someone dared disturb him again, well god help them.


End file.
